Chastised for Being Humane.

By Nancy Oliver

I see over and over the gripe from this side and that of the abortion or prolife issues. One thing I don’t see much of is the subject of how women are viewed when they make choices that are humane and compassionate. Whether they are cut out for wiping noses or have the means to buy the Kleenex to wipe the noses, I know of many cases where women have given up their rights to their child for adoption. In so many of those cases I hear the derogatory comments of how “rotten” that woman is for doing so. It is a very hard choice when you love and/or respect life so much you would give that child a chance at a good life by giving it up, whether to the other parent or for adoption.

Life does not come in perfect slices of jellied bread. Some things we can help by our own actions---some are out of our hands. I know of life stories where mom had to do something she did not want to do for the sake of her children.

I know of one young lady from Ireland who sought to walk across America. I forget the cause and her last name, but her first was Fiona. She had her crew of publicist and drivers of a motor home that followed her. This was back in the late 80’s. They stayed at a campground I managed for several days until the distance became closer to stay at another.

I had a rather liberal friend who was not only a member of the resort I managed but also the neighbor to the grounds. Sandy is her name…last I will keep to myself. Sandy even though much more adventurous let us say than I ever was and very liberal in her thinking was indeed pro life and raised her two children.

 Fiona traveled with nothing but men and one was one she got intimate with. Fiona confided in us that she was pregnant by one of them. She told us he wanted her to abort that pregnancy. Sandy came unglued. Fiona shut down and I could tell she did. My own conscience mirrored Sandy’s on this matter but I took a different approach. I told Fiona it was her choice but that choice she would live with for the rest of her life. I understood her aspirations “but she made that choice to follow her dreams just as she made the choice to get pregnant. It’s not our choice, Fiona…you make it,” I recall my last words as I got up from sitting on the picnic table with Sandy and Fiona.

Sandy could not believe what I said! She came running after me following me to the office asking why I said that. I had to admit I really wanted to lecture but something told me not to. As it turned out months later, I got a letter from Fiona in the mail and enclosed was a picture of her adorable new born daughter. She told me she was so glad that I made her think twice about it. Maybe it was that she felt the need for girl talk as to what tipped me off she indeed had a big heart and conscience. I don’t know but I do know she gave up her dream some miles later as well for the sake of that unborn baby.

I know of others who have made hard choices to give up children they loved to their ex’s or families of or strangers looking to adopt. It’s a very honorable thing to do in my opinion. I cringe when I hear derogatory remarks made from the narrow minded people. Perhaps it is the reason why some choose not to give their child up to adoption but to just abort it and forget it. Perhaps there are some who just don’t want to go through it. But, I would like to ask all of those to think hard…very hard on that choice because it is one that they can never make right again. I also ask that we think long and hard like Fiona did before we make that statement of how awful that mother is for giving up her child.