To Motherhood & Children

Excerpts from Dr. Kathleen Berchelmann 

As Mother's Day is nearing, children are always in the mix of the conversation . . .

And if you are a Mom of four children, like Dr. Kathleen Berchelmann, and happily announce the expected arrival of your fifth, be prepared to hear, exactly what she did:

"Do you hate money?"

"Are you done now?"

"Are you crazy?"

"Was this planned?"

"Don't you know there are things you can do to prevent this?"

"You must be Catholic or Mormon."

Critics of large families mention the burden that our children will be on society and the Earth.  Parents with large families hear about the health care costs that their children will generate and the size of their family carbon footprint.  Others express concern for the marriage, worried that the couple will be too tired, have financial stress, or not have enough time for each other.

Here's Dr. Kathleen Berchelmann's wonderful opinion on her and her husband's "problem":

Here's my question: why can't we look at children as future contributors to society, not burdens on society?  My children are the best gift I have for society.  Children bring hope for the future and model unconditional love.  Have we forgotten?  It is the sign of a dying society when we see our children as burdens rather than beacons of hope, future innovators. 

The National Center for Health Statistics says the over all birth rate in 2011 is the lowest in this country since 1920. As a college-educated Caucasian female, I am predicted to have 1.6 children per 2011 statistics.  America's overall fertility rate is 1.96, according to the latest fiqures from the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, which is below the replacement rate of 2.1. The replacement rate refers to the number of children each woman needs to have to maintain current population levels, or zero population growth.

 We do not have an over-population problem in the United States, we have a low-birth-rate problem.  Experts predict that global population is also slowing.  This trend is likely to continue as contraception becomes increasing availability in the developing world.  When birth rates fall below replacement rates societies suffer.  The average age of the population increases, creating a top-heavy society with heavy heath-care and resources needed. But I'm not having kids to re-populate the earth, I'm having kids because I love them.  Yes, I will have a few more years of diapers and crying babies at night, but the rewards are many.  Here are my favorites:  

• Children keep me young and joyful.  I have to turn my anxiety off and play pretend with my 4-year-old, I rest every few hours and breastfeed my baby, and I share my six-year-old's delight in drawing a dream-house with fifteen stories.  They get me to eat home-made snow cones and play in the rain.  I play outside almost every day.  Do you?     

• Younger kids bring joy out of my older kids.

• No matter how grumpy they get.  My son can have a terrible attitude, but when his baby sister wants to play with him, he always smiles and obliges her.

• Life is never boring!  Our kids are each so unique, so different from the others.  And they keep growing and changing.  We never know what to expect.

• I don't sweat the small stuff anymore.  I used to clean and polish away every nick in my wooden furniture and keep my bathroom spotless.  These days I figure a few marks in my furniture adds to their antique value.  I find fingerprints on my bathroom mirror endearing.

• Parenthood makes me work hard. Without kids, I'm sure I'd watch more TV, drink more wine and become a more selfish individual.  With kids, I'm forced to think of others and avoid self-absorption.  Kids make me realize how ridiculous I can be.

• One of my kids complains about dinner almost every night.  It's really annoying.  Then I realize there are things that I complain about too much, too. There is nothing like parenthood to keep you humble.  Just when you think you have it all figured out, they throw you another curve ball.

• I want less stuff.  I keep thinking, if we had fewer kids and more disposable income, what would I do with it? Drive a fancier car, live in a bigger house?  I don't want a fancier care and certainly don't want to clean or care for a bigger house. 

Some people worry that we won't be able to give each of our kids the one-on-one attention that they need.  Because we home school, our kids get plenty of individual attention every day. A new baby is perhaps the best gift you can give to your other children.  A 14-year-old from a family of five told me, "I can't imagine not having siblings.  That would be my worst nightmare.  It would be lonely." 

Kathleen M. Berchelmann, M.D., is a pediatrician at St. Louis Children's Hospital and Washington University School of Medicine, director of the St. Louis Children's Hospital Social Media Team, and co-founder of the ChildrensMD hospital physician blog. Her work has been featured in print and online publications including the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, the Chicago Tribune, and TIME magazine. She is a frequent contributor to Fox2 News STL Moms. Kathleen and her husband are raising four children.