Everybody Loses in Abortion, Including Fathers. Let’s Help Them Win

“What I want more than anything,” said Jordan, “is to be a father.”

By Suzanne Maynes
Pregnancy Help News

The young man’s voice cracked as he pleaded, “Can you help me? ‘Kaylee’ is going to have an abortion, and I want my baby to live.” He was not the first young father to come to us with this dilemma.

Over my 10 years of pregnancy center work, I’ve spoken with a number of fathers who desperately wanted to rescue the life of their child—but the decision was not theirs to make.

“Tony” wept as he told me how much he loved his pregnant girlfriend and how he wanted to marry her. But her family did not approve of him, so she broke things off and had an abortion.

“Jordan” expressed grief and anger because his girlfriend was not willing to visit us to get help and support for her pregnancy. This would be the second child he lost to abortion. “What I want more than anything,” said Jordan, “is to be a father.”

These men, whom God wired as protectors, were given no voice and no choice regarding the lives of their preborn children. They were forced to the sidelines to suffer their loss in helpless anguish. To be sure, abortion is a choice which generally results from significant difficulty in a relationship. Women often pursue abortion out of negative emotions like fear or shame.

He’s just a friend, I can’t have his baby … he doesn’t provide for me, and won’t for this baby … he’s abusive, and I can’t bring a child into that atmosphere Whatever the reasoning, when an abortion happens, everybody loses.

The baby loses his or her life. The woman loses something deep in her soul. The man loses the child he may have desperately wanted.

Men are not always the “bad guy” when it comes to abortion. The wonderful thing about pregnancy centers is that we understand this battle is not a “male versus female” fight. It’s a battle against unseen evil powers which sway the minds of human beings and entice them into sin.

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12)

Yes, some men pressure their girlfriends into an abortion, using the threat of leaving as leverage. Some men willingly pay for an abortion while refusing to provide for a child. In many cases, men respond exactly the way our culture has trained them to: “I’ll support you, whatever you decide.”

As I’ve written here, “This is a cop-out, yes, but haven’t we been telling men that being supportive and sensitive is more important than taking responsibility?”

A young father we serve may come from a family trapped in generational poverty, relational chaos or substance abuse. He may never have had a positive role model to show him what fatherhood looks like. He may have learned to solve problems with his fists instead of his words. Run-ins with the law and jail terms may be part of normal life to him. In any case, he’s grown up in a culture which has de-linked sex and marriage and redefined family.

The men we serve need to have their minds renewed. They need the hope of the gospel.

Pregnancy Help News continues here

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Pregnant, need help or know someone who does?

National Hotline: Call 1-800-712-HELP or Text 'HELPLINE' to 313131.

In Southeast Penna:  Call the Community Women's Center at  215-826-8090

If you or someone you know is suffering after abortion, confidential non-judgmental help is available.  Call Project Rachel's national toll-free number 888-456-HOPE (4673) or visit hopeafterabortion.org.