My Wife and I Chose Life After She Became Pregnant From Rape

By Jeff Christie
Live Action News

I understand what women mean when they say that men don’t have as much of a right to talk about abortion after rape as it doesn’t have anything to do with them. That statement has some truth to it. Sometimes. But when it happened to my bride of 22 years, when she was raped, I was deeply affected. Our amazing three-year-old was conceived on that horrific day. He is a gift that helped us both recover.

I’ve read the comments. I’ve heard the opinions. I agree that you don’t know what you’ll think or feel in such a situation unless it happens to you. That’s a terrible, stark reality and one I live with. I know that I can’t take away the trauma that my wife went through no matter how much I try. I recognize that I can’t and won’t ever comprehend the depth of her pain.

She also won’t understand mine. I’m supposed to be her protector. I’m the one who stood in front of our families and friends and, along with “for better, for worse…”, silently vowed to make sure her heart and body stay safe. So where was I when she needed me the most? I live with constant “what-ifs” and “Why didn’t I” thoughts.

I saw, before anyone else could, that the woman I knew from the time she was a bubbly, outgoing 14 year old whose quick wit made everybody laugh, that she was never going to be the same. I also recognized that our son had nothing to do with the horror she went through. I knew she would never forget what was done to her, regardless of whether he existed or not. 

It’s ignorant arrogance that brings about comments like “With a child, a victim of rape has to live with that reminder every day of what that monster did to her.” She doesn’t need a reminder. That kind of violation is forever imprinted in her memory.

What are children conceived in rape if not these terrible “reminders”? I can tell you from personal experience.

They are chances at redemption. They are opportunities for healing and a way to find meaning from nightmarish, meaningless actions. Isaiah 61:3 says that He provides those who mourn with “…beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”

My wife likes to say that our son gave her hope. A purpose. I SAW that spark light up in her heart, and I knew then that without having a purpose come from all the violence, without another soul to protect and nurture, she would forever feel alone in her victimhood. She might always wonder why this happened to her, a loving child of God. This evil rapist left behind two victims: The woman he violated, and the life that began with his heinous actions.

Full disclosure: I, too, began to heal with the news of our son’s conception. (I did say our son. My beloved and I are one. If she is pregnant, then WE are having a baby.) I spent the first few weeks after the rape, while being the bastion of strength and solidity that my bride needed, slamming my fists into the wall in the shower. 

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