Fathers Explain Their Abortion Regret: ‘I Have Never Been the Same Since’

“I would have looked after the child, even if its mother didn’t want me in her life – but that was not an option that was available." 

By Cassy Fiano-Chesser
Live Action News

Abortion is thought of as a women’s issue, but it affects men, too, and not always in a positive way. In fact, knowing their children died in abortion is downright traumatic for some men. One father, whose two children died in abortions, spoke about the regret he still feels, and how he struggles being around babies because of the pain.

The man, who remained anonymous, had been dating a girl when she became pregnant and decided to get an abortion.

“I had very little say in the ensuing event and I should probably have walked away, but I couldn’t,” he said. “I would have looked after the child, even if its mother didn’t want me in her life – but that was not an option that was available. I sat with her during the procedure, not knowing what I was letting myself in for. It was very traumatic. We continued to see each other for a while afterwards but we drifted apart and lost contact for many years.”

The abortion was seemingly not just traumatic for him — when he saw her again, years later, she admitted that she had undergone counseling to deal with her grief, and encouraged him to do the same. But he buried his grief, and began dating another woman, already a mother to two children, who also became pregnant.

“I knew several weeks before my partner that she was pregnant. She was glowing all of a sudden and I knew,” he recalled. “When she figured out that she might be pregnant, she took the test. We were both really really happy for a few weeks but then, one day, she wasn’t. We had talked a lot about names and baby things, but that one day she said the dreaded ‘we need to talk’, and the feeling of foreboding was palpable.”

READ: Think men can’t regret abortion? Three men may change your mind.

She explained that she fought severe post-partum depression with her previous two births, and even thought of suicide. She felt like she couldn’t go through that again, even as the man tried to convince her that they could make it through together. Even more heartbreaking, he seemed to feel there were two babies in her womb, not just one:

The day arrived and we dropped the kids off at school and set off in silence. The medication was administered, she lay on the bed and I held her hand.

I sat there, tears streaming down my face in a room with a number of other women, all young and on their own and there for the same reason. I could feel the presence of not one but two as I held her hand, though I never told her. Their presence started to dim and finally were extinguished.

The relationship fell over a while later. Her guilt ate her up inside and though I worked so hard to prove to her that I still loved her after what we had been through, she couldn’t accept that I did – or understand why I did – and pushed me away.

In the end it was too much and I left. I have since told her that I didn’t leave her because I didn’t love her, I left because I couldn’t prove it and she felt unworthy of being loved.

I have never been the same since and firmly believe that there is not enough help for those who, for one reason or another, have to go through a termination.

If you are a father who has post-abortion grief, there are resources that can help you. Check out Silent No More, Healing After Abortion, Rachel’s Vineyard, or a local pregnancy resource center for help. 

If you are the father of a preborn child you are trying to save from abortion, this link can help. You can also look into Abortion Pill Reversal, or call 1-877-558-0333, if the mother regrets her abortion. Stand Up Girl and Pregnancy Line can also give information for men or women, and have the ability to text, call, email, or chat.

Live Action News continues here

Will Oprah Give Equal Time for Women to Shout Their Abortion Regrets?

By Melissa Barnhart
Christian Post

There are hundreds of thousands of women in America who regret their abortions and their supporters are calling on Oprah to let their voices be heard too.

At least twice this year O magazine has featured articles supportive of abortion rights. Most recently, #ShoutYourAbortion co-creator Amelia Bonow was profiled as an activist whose mission is to destigmatize abortion by giving women an outlet to post messages about their abortions while advocating for Planned Parenthood and other abortion providers.

"First of all, to shoutout about your abortion like it's the greatest thing that happened to you is very misguided, because you've caused the death of an unborn child," said Janet Morana, co-founder of Silent No More Awareness Campaign, in response to Bonow's article during an interview with The Christian Post. "I don't see it as anything to be celebrated."

"I deal with all the aftermath, all the women who've been hurt physically and psychologically from abortion. I just find it such a farce that they tout this as a safe, wonderful medical procedure when in fact it's not," she added.

In the piece for O magazine and Oprah.com, Bonow describes her distress in 2015 when the U.S. House voted to defund Planned Parenthood, the national abortion chain where she'd had an abortion the previous year. Although the House had voted to defund Planned Parenthood, the bill failed in the Senate and the business continues to get over $500 million from federal taxpayers every year.

Although Bonow has denigrated pro-life activists as "cultural dinosaurs" and "people who bankroll and inspire domestic terrorists," Morana isn't calling for O and other left-of-center women's magazines to stifle pro-choice speech. Instead, she and others like her say they're just asking for equal time.

(PHOTO: REUTERS/JONATHAN ERNST)Activists hold signs reading "I regret my abortion" onstage as they participate in the annual March for Life rally in Washington, January 25, 2013.

"It's my experience that most of these liberal magazines won't give us the voice," said Morana, who's also executive director of Priests for Life. "We'd love to have it. Can we have some equal time? Can we have a fair and honest debate? Can I bring a few women who can talk about the physical damage and you can bring a few who think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread, and let's have an open and honest conversation? But they don't want to do that," she added.

This is not the first time that Winfrey has been perceived as supporting abortion rights. In 1996, an episode of the "Oprah Winfrey Show" aired clips from the HBO pro-abortion film "If These Walls Could Talk" starring Demi Moore, Sissy Spacek and Cher. And earlier this year, O magazine featured "10 Superhero Nurses Making a Big Difference" which included a nurse who works at North Dakota's lone abortion clinic. 

Christian Post article continues here

There May be No Bigger “Disenfranchised Grief” Than the Pain Women Experience After Abortion

This is an Achilles heel in society 

By Dave Andrusko
Life News

Corrine Barraclough is a columnist for the Daily Mail of Australia. The title of a her story flat-out grabbed me “The Secret Grief of Abortion.”

As did a kind of term-of-art mentioned later by a counselor who deals with traumas: “disenfranchised grief.” I looked up the term and it refers to grief that is not recognized by society. Examples range from the loss of a pet to moving from a home that is filled with meaning to suicide.

Another definition of disenfranchised grief is “when your heart is grieving but you can’t talk about or share your pain with others because it is considered unacceptable to others.”

What a perfect illustration of what so many women—and not a few men—endure after an abortion.

Barraclough begins by talking about the walls we build “to silence people in pain.” Complicated, intricate strands knot themselves around people’s throats as they try to walk through life collecting unexplained self-­destructive behaviour.

Here is one: for too long society and the medical profession have ­denied any negative aspects of abortion. That’s not helpful to those trying to navigate the aftermath of abortion.

Australia has a repeat abortion rate of 37 per cent. For those under 30 it is 50 per cent, according to Pregnancy Outcome Unit Epidemiology Branch, Department of Human Services, SA Health.

At what emotional cost?

Client care manager at Abortion Grief Australia (AGA), Amy Chia, tells The Saturday Telegraph: 

“Abortion takes a toll on both men and women — people just don’t want to talk about it. At AGA we see vulnerable men and women constantly.”

But to acknowledge that there can a ghastly price to pay when we take a baby’s life—or encourage (or coerce) a woman to do so—is both the ultimate elephant in the room and something so terrible we must insist it doesn’t exist.

Chia explained that “There is no one common way for post-abortion grief and trauma to present itself.”

“After having an abortion, a mother may treat their children differently. Psychologists talk about ‘good enough parenting’ as being what everyone needs to aim for.

“It means being present to the child to meet their physical and emotional needs in a realistic way. When you shut down pain, you shut down positive emotions.

“Some women who struggle with grief, loss and guilt after abortion may find it difficult to ­experience the joy of having a new child in their presence. Women are feeling things they don’t understand.”

Another counselor told Barraclough

“Many remain unaware of the grief or trauma that can fester quietly for years, or the impact on children of women who had terminations. It’s creating a generation who can struggle to bond with their babies.”

Men can suffer grievously as well—even more of an unpalatable truth.

Barraclough concludes her fine piece by asking what happens to win when this trauma surfaces years later? She has no answer, since she not want to be seen as taking a position on abortion. 

But there are places for women (and men) to turn to—pro-life helping organizations such as Rachel’s Vineyard “where women and men can express, release and reconcile painful post-abortive emotions to begin the process of restoration, renewal and healing.”

Life News article continues here

Voices for Life is an e-publication dedicated to informing and educating the public on pro-life and pro-family issues. To read our Mission Statement, use this link.  

Follow us on Facebook, Google, and Pinterest. 

Help us spread the pro-life message by sharing our articles on your favorite social networks.

Pregnant, need help or know someone who does?  

National Hotline: Call 1-800-712-HELP or Text 'HELPLINE' to 313131.
In Southeast Penna:  Call the Community Women's Center at  215-826-8090

If you or someone you know is suffering after abortion, confidential non-judgmental help is available.  Call Project Rachel's national toll-free number 888-456-HOPE (4673) or visit hopeafterabortion.org.  

Siblings of Children Lost to Abortion Say They Have a ‘Longing to Have Known’ Their Sibling

By Cassy Fiano
Live Action News

A new article at Romper purports to help women who have had abortions break the so-called abortion stigma: by telling their surviving children the stories of their other abortions. The author, Priscilla Blossom, explained that she was already considering how she would, one day, tell her son of her abortion.

“I want him to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that his mother believes in a pregnant person’s right to choose,” she wrote. “I want him to know someone, first-hand, who can talk about abortion, and who doesn’t regret her positive experience. I want him to know that if he should ever know someone who is in need of an abortion or considering one, that I can be a trusted individual and, moreover, a resource. I want him to grow up acknowledging everyone’s bodily autonomy (something we already practice via lessons in consent). And a conversation about my abortion experience will help me facilitate all of these messages and lessons.”

One mom said that the story of her miscarriage gave her children nightmares, making her realize that she couldn’t tell them about her abortion — yet she said she worried that not telling them violated her “work values,” as she works as an abortion activist. Another mom explained that she wrote an “open letter” to her children that was about to be published online, so she let them read it first and admitted that she had an abortion as well. Another said she chose abortion because her marriage was going well.

“I explained (truthfully) that while I still had baby fever after having had her, I got pregnant at a time when her dad and I were doing really well and focusing on our own relationship,” she wrote. “It was not a good time for us to have another child.” READ: Abortion affects sibling survivors: ‘I miss them although I never knew them’

Noticeably absent is any discussion of how news of prior abortions affected the children. And telling children that you’ve aborted their siblings isn’t a great way to destroy stigma, but is, in fact, cruel. It causes them immense pain — as sibling survivors have explained.

One sibling wrote of the pain they felt after learning of their mother’s abortion.

“We let it drop and I forgot about it,” they wrote. “But I had not really forgotten. I didn’t think about it consciously for years.” They continued that years later:Suddenly I found myself thinking about my little brother! I became disoriented and lost control of the car for a moment as I burst into tears having lost him. I was astounded by my reaction, but I couldn’t shake the sadness and longing to have known him.

Other siblings have similar feelings.

She tells me that she speaks to him sometimes, in her mind and in her dreams. She wonders about the life they would have had growing up together. Would they have fought a lot? Would he have counseled her on boy matters? Would he have scolded her for her overzealous high-school drinking?

She believes that in this other world, she is already an aunt. Her brother would have met a girl. Married her. Had babies my friend would babysit and spoil shamelessly.

She feels cheated. She feels lonelier than an only child should feel.

Feelings of survivor’s guilt are not uncommon, according to Dr. Philip Ney, who says that sibling survivors have “lifelong struggles about existing” after learning that their survival is based on arbitrary decisions on whether a child was wanted or not.

Live Action News continues here

Voices for Life is an e-publication dedicated to informing and educating the public on pro-life and pro-family issues. To read our Mission Statement, use this link.  Follow us on Facebook, Google, and Pinterest.  Help us spread the pro-life message by sharing our articles on your favorite social networks.

Pregnant, need help or know someone who does?  

National Hotline: Call 1-800-712-HELP or Text 'HELPLINE' to 313131.
In Southeast Penna:  Call the Community Women's Center at  215-826-8090

If you or someone you know is suffering after abortion, confidential non-judgmental help is available.  

Call Project Rachel's national toll-free number 888-456-HOPE (4673) or visit hopeafterabortion.org.  

EVANGELIST ALVEDA KING: REMEMBERING OUR FATHERS ON FATHER'S DAY!

As we celebrate Fathers' Day let's remember the important role all fathers play in the family and pray that all fathers will take their responsibilities seriously and help make the world a better place for everyone.

By Dr. Alveda King, Priests for Life

Breaking Christian News

[Alveda King's Blog] Fathers' Day is Sunday and I miss my Dad Rev. AD King who taught me to love everyone. When my uncle Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated, in error, I tried to blame white people. Daddy said "No. we are all one race/one blood human beings. White people didn't kill your uncle, the devil did." (Photos via Alveda King's Blog)

Daddy was such a great father and a great family leader. I only wish I had gotten to spend more time with him. But I rejoice in the faith that he is resting in peace with our Heavenly Father.

Fathers' Day also causes me to reflect on Joseph, the foster father of Jesus and husband of Mary. When faced with a new spouse, who was unexpectedly pregnant, unlike many fathers of today, Joseph embraced his new role of fatherhood and stepped up to the plate to take care of his family. He did not walk away from his responsibility, or worse, try to kill Jesus in Mary's womb; unlike occurrences in our society today.

I'm blessed to know some other remarkable men who as role models are working to share the knowledge of what they have learned with other men around the country and the world.

One such person is Bishop Harry Jackson of The Hope Connection. He works helping men who have been in prison to re-integrate into the family and society. He understands the importance of the family and the role a father plays to give them a better chance in life. He has mounted a Fathers' Day campaign to do just that. Please pray and fast with him beginning on June 17.

Kevin Burke is also working to improve the lives of fathers through the healing after abortion ministry, Rachel's Vineyard and the Silent No More's the Shockwaves of Abortion campaign which focuses on a different group each month with June being focused on healing fathers.

On the heels of Fathers' Day we celebrate Juneteenth, a holiday in the United States that commemorates the announcement of the abolition of slavery in Texas on June 19, 1865, and more generally the emancipation of African-American slaves throughout the Confederate South. 

In celebration of Juneteenth we're continuing to cry out for justice for all Americans, born and unborn. Towards that goal, we ask you to join the movement by signing on to an open letter to Congressional members encouraging them to support The Prison Reform and Redemption Act (H.R. 3356).

As we celebrate Fathers' Day let's remember the important role all fathers play in the family and pray that all fathers will take their responsibilities seriously and help make the world a better place for everyone.

For those who are like me and your fathers have passed away, be encouraged. Our Father God still cares. And let's pray for all fathers everywhere from the White House, to the court house, to the battlefield, to the jail house, to God's house.

Website: Breaking Christian News

“I Didn’t Realize Abortion Bothered Me Until…”

There is a Moment When the Need for Help Becomes Clear

By Cullen Herout
National Right to Life

In April of 2011, I began working with the post-abortion ministry Rachel’s Vineyard. Over the years, I have had the privilege of hearing the stories of many women and men who have an abortion in their past.

Each and every story that I’ve heard is unique, complex, and riveting in its own way, and through these stories, I have come to a deeper understanding of the mental, social, and relational impact that abortion can have in a person’s life.

One of the things that always strikes me when I reflect on the stories I’ve heard is the variation in the amount of the time that passes before individuals decide they want to share their abortion stories and explore how the abortion has negatively impacted their lives.

Sometimes it takes women (and men) five or 10 years before they are willing to explore the topic. Sometimes it is several decades before they are ready to address it. Many times, it is even longer than that. We once had an 85-year-old woman attend a retreat. Forty-five years after the fact, she had finally decided she was ready to take steps to put the abortion in her past.

It is a fascinating, and simultaneously tragic, thing to see how long the pain of abortion can stay hidden in a person’s life.

Perhaps equally as interesting is exploring how each of these individuals came to understand that abortion had a negative impact on their lives. Many times, these individuals acknowledge that they have spent many years trying to rationalize their abortions.

Some have admitted that they became staunchly pro-choice in an effort to justify the abortion in their pasts. Some have simply suppressed the negative feelings, afraid that if they were to verbalize any negativity, they would be forced to address the problems that arise as a result. Still others have never told anyone of the abortion in the first place and believe they have nowhere to turn to share their thoughts or feelings.

There are myriad reasons why a person might wait many years before addressing the negative consequences that arose as the result of choosing abortion.

But for each of these individuals who eventually come to verbalize remorse or negative thoughts regarding their abortion, there is a moment in which the realization of the negative impact of their abortions is made. 

There is a moment when the need for help becomes clear. This moment can often catch these individuals by surprise, especially if the negative thoughts and feelings have been suppressed or ignored over the course of time.

National Right to Life continues here

Feelings After Abortion: Post-Abortion Syndrome

Life Site News

What can a woman feel after abortion?

Many women say that no one told them what to expect emotionally. In fact, a woman who has just had an abortion is often under enormous pressure - whether from her partner, her family and friends, or the abortion provider - to act as if nothing has happened, or even to express relief or happiness. In some cases, the woman may be trying to keep the abortion a secret, in which case the pressure can become extreme.

In reality, such pressure is unfair to post-abortive women, who have just undergone a significant and sometimes traumatic surgical procedure, often at a time of great upheaval in their lives.

While some women do indeed experience relief after an abortion, others find that they were not prepared emotionally to deal with the aftermath. Some women may find themselves experiencing unexpected grief or depression, with little understanding or support from their partner or loved ones. In those cases where the woman is keeping the abortion a secret, she must deal with these negative emotions completely alone.

Some may even bury the associated negative emotions just in order to carry on with life, only to find that years - sometimes even decades - later, the unresolved negative emotions suddenly re-emerge, requiring healing.

In fact, some psychologists have coined a term to describe common symptoms that they have found in many post-abortive women who have come to them for help. They call it Post-Abortion Syndrome (PAS). Common symptoms of PAS include guilt, anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide, drug or alcohol abuse, eating disorders, a desire to avoid children or pregnant women, and flashbacks to the abortion itself.

Women considering abortion have a right to know about the possible emotional risks of their choice. On the other hand, women who have already had an abortion have the right to know that non-judgmental support and healing are available.

Some real-life stories

Relief, sadness, or anger can be felt after abortion. Since each experience is unique, so too is the mix of emotions. Sometimes one feeling will dominate, or more than one could be strong.

Following are some real testimonies available online that help show how women can feel after abortion.

• "Pregnancy, babies, doctors, being a mother, vacuum cleaners and dentist drills became abortion connectors and sent me into emotional anguish."

• "My abortion is associated with so many emotions. They come at unexpected times, but they always go quickly."

•  "I was sitting quietly in my bedroom and, suddenly, my entire world went black. It was as if in the space between breaths, my entire existence lost all meaning. ... I began having severe anxiety attacks ... I had no idea at the time that this was due to the rapid drop in hormones experienced as a result of the abortion. No one had told me this could happen."

We have a saying in the world of therapy. “Secrets kill.” Thus is the path of many women after abortion. Don't talk. Don't feel. Keep the secret. 

Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT

Life Site News report continues here

Voices for Life is an e-publication dedicated to informing and educating the public on pro-life and pro-family issues. To read our Mission Statement, use this link.  Follow us on Facebook, Google, and Pinterest.  Help us spread the pro-life message by sharing our articles on your favorite social networks.

Pregnant, need help or know someone who does?  

National Hotline: Call 1-800-712-HELP or Text 'HELPLINE' to 313131.

In Southeast Penna:  Call the Community Women's Center at  215-826-8090

If you or someone you know is suffering after abortion, confidential non-judgmental help is available.  Call Project Rachel's national toll-free number 888-456-HOPE (4673) or visit hopeafterabortion.org.  

Woman Regrets Her Abortion: “My Child Would Have Been 10 Years Old This Year”

Many pro-life pregnancy centers offer counseling for post-abortive women to help them work through their grief and pain

By Micaiah Bilger
Life News

Ten years ago, Maria thought that aborting her unborn baby was her only option for getting out of a very difficult situation.

The South African woman, whose name has been changed, told Health 24 News that her boyfriend abused her and pressured her repeatedly to abort their unborn baby.

Maria gave into the pressure and had her unborn baby’s life destroyed, not realizing how the decision would haunt her.

“I still remember how I struggled to make the decision. But my boyfriend kept on saying ‘We are not ready,’” she said. “The termination still affects me very badly.”

Maria said she refused the recommended counseling before and after her abortion, perhaps because she was afraid of being dissuaded.

Now, she deeply regrets aborting her unborn baby. Maria said she often wonders what her child would be like if he or she was alive today.

Here’s more from the report:

One decade later and Maria still wonders what would have happened if she had made a different choice. Her child would have turned 10 years old this year.

“Every time when I look at girls I become emotional. When I did the termination, the fetus was at such an early stage that the gender couldn’t be determined. But these days, never having had a daughter, that termination still affects me very badly,” she said.

Maria recently was admitted to the Tshwaragano Hospital in South Africa with depression, according to the report.

Life News continues

       

Voices for Life is an e-publication dedicated to informing and educating the public on pro-life and pro-family issues. 

To read our Mission Statement, use this link.  

Follow us on Facebook, Google, and Pinterest.

 Help us spread the pro-life message by sharingour articles on your favorite social sites.

Pregnant, need help or know someone who does?

National Hotline: Call 1-800-712-HELP or Text 'HELPLINE' to 313131.
In Southeast Penna:  Call or text 610-626-4006  

If you or someone you know is suffering after abortion, confidential non-judgmental help is available.  Call Project Rachel's national toll-free number 888-456-HOPE (4673) or visit hopeafterabortion.org.