by Mariah
On May 1, 2013, I was raped, lost my virginity, and was only a mere 16 years old. I wasn't ready but I didn't have a choice. If there was one to follow, I knew immediately that I would make the right one. It was the worst thing that I have ever gone through in my life, thus far. I am a fighter and a survivor. I am very fortunate that I was able to cope with that situation well enough to move on and continue on with life.
I waited a full month to tell anyone about what had occurred but after so long, I couldn't keep it to myself any longer. I couldn't deal with it alone. I spent endless nights awake up into the early morning hours thinking about and reliving that incident...attack.. I would often wonder if I had any diseases or had become pregnant. I had a little dog calendar that I would mark off the days to keep track, just in case. I took a black marker to draw a sad face...silly..maybe..but simple enough that no one would think anything of it..if even just that I had a bad day..well, if only they knew..
When everything was out in the open, I had to be interviewed by police, detectives, children's advocates, doctors, and therapists.. It took a toll on me.. It was like I was constantly reliving the events that took place by having to tell my story over and over and over again.
The most traumatizing of them all was, by far, Planned Parenthood. I have always been Pro-Life and had seen the videos showing what really goes on in there but never thought that I would have to experience it first hand.
On the way to our local Planned Parenthood, my grandmother caught me off guard with a very shocking question. She turned to me and asked, "Now if you are pregnant, do you want to raise "it" or get an abortion?" I looked at her with disgust! I could barely think but one of my few thoughts was not considering abortion! I was almost offended! NO! I was offended! This was the woman who raised me? I was living with a monster. I would die during child birth due to medical complications before having an abortion!
When I did get to Planned Parenthood, it was like a zoo. They were, in fact, animals there. There was a makeshift container with, I'm sure, some condom brand that was made by them. I have heard that they purposely put those out knowing they will break in hopes of making money off of an abortion or two. The people working there had terrible attitudes and the woman who came out to bring me into the back was almost ancient.
The back was full of small and dark rooms. It reminded me of something out of the SAW movies. She led me into one and basically interrogated me. Not once did she mention adoption. I am sure saying that word would be like showing a demon holy water or a cross. All she kept drilling me with was how at 16 years old, I was not capable of taking care of a child and wasn't ready..how it would ruin my life. She told me that I don't even know who the father is or his genetics. She told me that my child might turn out disabled. Did I really want that?
My question/answer..does God really want that for me? If he does, that is what I want as well. MY BABY will be loved unconditionally. Father or not. Disabled or not. A child is a child no matter what. Two wrongs do not make a right, meaning rape and abortion wouldn't solve anything.
Maybe a baby would have healed that damaged part of me. Maybe a baby would have been sent by God to turn such as tragedy like rape into a true miracle. I was not about to let this mean and nasty old woman try to take that miracle away from me. Well, I had to take a pregnancy test, one of the several I had to take during the course of four or five months, just to be sure out of paranoia.
I was sent into probably the filthiest and tiniest bathroom in existence. Not only that but she had me swab MYSELF! That is correct! She did not have it done by an actual doctor! I had to basically do some guess work and hope I did it right. Anyway, after going through all of that, I was not pregnant.
I kind of still feel like my non existent pregnancy is a loss that I am mourning. I am 18 years old now and truly hope that one day I will be able to experience such a blessing. For now, I will just reflect on what could have been..and what wouldn't have happened..
Note: This was given to me by a young women to post to this blog. The story is hers, in her own words.
In posting, we hope that others who may find themselves in the same situation, will find comfort and encouragement from her story.
Anyone who would like to contact her can do so by sending an e-mail to voices4theunborn@outlook.com. I will then forward it to her.
The most traumatizing of them all was, by far, Planned Parenthood. I have always been Pro-Life and had seen the videos showing what really goes on in there but never thought that I would have to experience it first hand.
On the way to our local Planned Parenthood, my grandmother caught me off guard with a very shocking question. She turned to me and asked, "Now if you are pregnant, do you want to raise "it" or get an abortion?" I looked at her with disgust! I could barely think but one of my few thoughts was not considering abortion! I was almost offended! NO! I was offended! This was the woman who raised me? I was living with a monster. I would die during child birth due to medical complications before having an abortion!
When I did get to Planned Parenthood, it was like a zoo. They were, in fact, animals there. There was a makeshift container with, I'm sure, some condom brand that was made by them. I have heard that they purposely put those out knowing they will break in hopes of making money off of an abortion or two. The people working there had terrible attitudes and the woman who came out to bring me into the back was almost ancient.
The back was full of small and dark rooms. It reminded me of something out of the SAW movies. She led me into one and basically interrogated me. Not once did she mention adoption. I am sure saying that word would be like showing a demon holy water or a cross. All she kept drilling me with was how at 16 years old, I was not capable of taking care of a child and wasn't ready..how it would ruin my life. She told me that I don't even know who the father is or his genetics. She told me that my child might turn out disabled. Did I really want that?
My question/answer..does God really want that for me? If he does, that is what I want as well. MY BABY will be loved unconditionally. Father or not. Disabled or not. A child is a child no matter what. Two wrongs do not make a right, meaning rape and abortion wouldn't solve anything.
Maybe a baby would have healed that damaged part of me. Maybe a baby would have been sent by God to turn such as tragedy like rape into a true miracle. I was not about to let this mean and nasty old woman try to take that miracle away from me. Well, I had to take a pregnancy test, one of the several I had to take during the course of four or five months, just to be sure out of paranoia.
I was sent into probably the filthiest and tiniest bathroom in existence. Not only that but she had me swab MYSELF! That is correct! She did not have it done by an actual doctor! I had to basically do some guess work and hope I did it right. Anyway, after going through all of that, I was not pregnant.
I kind of still feel like my non existent pregnancy is a loss that I am mourning. I am 18 years old now and truly hope that one day I will be able to experience such a blessing. For now, I will just reflect on what could have been..and what wouldn't have happened..
Note: This was given to me by a young women to post to this blog. The story is hers, in her own words.
In posting, we hope that others who may find themselves in the same situation, will find comfort and encouragement from her story.
Anyone who would like to contact her can do so by sending an e-mail to voices4theunborn@outlook.com. I will then forward it to her.
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