I was 19 and living on my own, working as a nanny. An ex-boyfriend of mine who I was still friends with was going to come over to visit, as I had just recently moved into my new apartment. He came in and we visited, and before long he was kissing me and trying to initiate intercourse. I said “NO!” numerous times, and then my “freeze” reaction kicked in.
For four years of my childhood, I was sexually assaulted almost daily by a family member. I told a few different people, but nobody believed me. I realized quickly that it wasn’t going to end, so I learned to freeze because it stopped quicker if I pretended it wasn’t happening.
So back to the night my ex-boyfriend raped me — I froze, and he took advantage of me. After he left, I cried on my bathroom floor for hours, wishing I had put up more of a physical fight. I didn’t report it, because I knew it would be like the abuse of my past — my word against his.
A few weeks later, I realized that I had been having period cramps for a couple of weeks, where normally I would only get them for a day or two before my period. That’s when I thought I might be pregnant. I ran to Shoppers Drug Mart and got a test. When it said “yes,” I went back and got another. Of course it said the same thing.
I was fairly close to my boss at the time, so I told her about my pregnancy a week or so later. She told me she didn’t want her kids to see me “in that condition,” so if I wanted to keep my job I had to abort — it was my child or hers.
I went to the Pregnancy Resource Centre, and asked the pregnancy counselor if she thought I should get an abortion. She wasn’t allowed to give me a direct answer, but she assured me that I was capable of raising my baby, and pointed me in the direction of helpful programs around the city. When she estimated the baby’s due date, I knew it was a sign because she was due on my birthday!
God bless her for choosin life! The baby did nothing wrong, so why should she receive a death sentence?
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